Elegy for Newsweek Magazine

The beginning of the end—

Or the panic that it may be the beginning of the end—

Either way we seep into melancholia over your passing into the eworld.

Eighty years young, your glossy pages never looked so youthful

Keeping yourself hip all the way to the end

With May’s Gay Obama cover that spited Time

And July’s iCrazy that foreshadowed your own demise.

But to no avail!

“We did everything we could,”

Said all the people who like the idea of print media

But read all their news online.

We will miss the good humor of Periscope

The wise words of Fareed Zakaria pre-hiccup

And the annual Year in Review.

Farewell, dear print Newsweek, we bid you adieu.

What is the Future of Lifestrong?: Livestrong in Crisis After Armstrong is Stripped of Medals and Is Banned for Life From the International Cycling Union Today

The Livestrong bracelet was a staple of the 2000s as a symbol of solidarity, support, passion for a cure, and American patriotism. Now, 15 years after the charity’s inception, its founder, board member, and face, Lance Armstrong, is stripped of his medals and banned from the International Cycling Union for life today. Armstrong is still very much the face of Livestrong, as much as the foundation has created a legacy for itself, and the new association between the athlete and his cheating spills over into an association between his cheating the American public’s faith in Livestrong and Livestrong itself. This leaves the inevitable question: what is the future of Livestrong?

As Loren Steffy of the Houston Chronicle observes, “It's tempting to compare Armstrong's departure with that of a business losing a CEO who personifies the company.” While some argue Livestrong is not necessarily synonymous with Armstrong anymore, it is not terribly convincing. Aside from the obvious that the name of the charity is a play on the name of the disgraced athlete, the trend of sporting a yellow wristband was not only a symbol of a pledge to cancer research but also an image of solidarity with Armstrong and other cancer survivors. How can we move beyond that empathy the wristband evokes for a failed icon and toward supporting a worthy cause?

In some ways, it doesn’t matter who the name is on the flier. Yoko Ono, one of the most disliked celebrities of all time, is a longtime supporter of the Spirit Foundation and has successfully elevated the foundation’s net worth and status. Even if the name is in the charity, sometimes no one cares. David Copperfield’s David Copperfield’s Project Magic Fund is one of the top celebrity charities according to USA Today, which is no small feat considering how, apparently, easily mockable he is.

In the case of Livestrong, it is not clear how much Armstrong’s demise will affect the charity, the name, or the cause. The charity raised $2.5 million last week, suggesting that the folks behind the charity are not wasting time in asserting a message of progress instead of defeat. Armstrong, meanwhile, has sent mixed messages. The day after the USADA report was released, he Tweeted, “"What am I doing tonight? Hanging with my family, unaffected, and thinking about this.” Inspiring stuff.

Here’s to Livestrong reinventing itself beyond Lance. Clink.

A Solution to the Debate Over Whether or Not Bond Girls Are Positive Representations of Women: Make Olivia Benson the Next Bond Girl

Skyfall is coming. The 50^th anniversary of James Bond is upon us. And Adele wrote an awesome theme song that topped iTunes charts within ten hours of its release.

The new film and the coinciding anniversary has inspired some debate over the figure of the Bond Girl and whether or not she is an image of women’s empowerment. In one camp, we witness that Ian Fleming was considered “more sexist than some,” the damsel-in-distress narrative in the series too-often repeated, and the over-played association between Bond Girls and their appearance. Just the term “Bond Girl” leaves a funky taste, inspiring some to ponder “why not Bond Woman?” Yet some argue that the Bond Girl also evokes an image of strength, sexual freedom, and independence, particularly in modern incarnations like the “masculine” clothes-wearing Vesper Lynd of Casino Royale and the physically powerful Camille Montes of Quantum of Solace. The choice to cast M as a woman—Dame Judi Dench, no less—is a major achievement for representations of women.

So on the one hand, Bond Girls are dated, moving picture Barbies. On the other hand, Bond Girls are globe-trotting, sexually satisfied ladies. What to do, what to do…

On the proverbial third hand, there is another solution to the current disagreement over the feminist or anti-feminist role Bond Girls have: make Olivia Benson the next Bond Girl.

Let us illustrate this using some word association:

Olivia Benson—Law & Order SVU—Stabler—love plot—no, just professional coworkers!—back to coworkers—Ice-T—knows what “sex on the downlow is”—Olivia is sexy—but not too sexy that we forget she’s a cop—back to sexy—chooses work appropriate shoes over implausible heels—heels—goes on dates all dressed up but often ends them early for work—work—single working woman—sounds familiar to many ladies—familiar—caring—she genuinely cares about her cases—heroic—heroine.

Let’s put this in a Bond-speak analogy:

Old Bond Girl: “My name is [insert ridiculous vagina slang name]” :: Olivia Benson: “let’s nail this sonofabitch.”

Benson is the heroine of her story. There is no debate over whether or not she is the sexual conquest who fires a shot or two or the smart, empowered woman of the world who gets to sleep with Daniel Craig. Debate settled.

DUN DUN.